6 Myths vs Realities: Self-compassion Edition
Self-compassion is often misunderstood. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that being hard on ourselves is necessary for growth and success. But in reality, self-compassion isn’t about making excuses or avoiding accountability—it’s about creating the conditions for real, lasting change.
Let’s break down six common myths about self-compassion and get to the truth.
MYTH #1: SELF-COMPASSION IS JUST SELF-PITY.
Reality: Self-pity is passive and keeps us stuck in our suffering, while self-compassion is active and helps us move through it. Self-compassion acknowledges pain but also reminds us that suffering is part of the human experience. Instead of dwelling, it encourages us to respond to ourselves with kindness and care—just as we would a friend.
MYTH #2: SELF-COMPASSION MEANS MAKING EXCUSES.
Reality: Self-compassion doesn’t let us off the hook—it actually helps us take responsibility in a healthier way. When we meet ourselves with understanding instead of shame, we’re more likely to acknowledge mistakes and make meaningful changes, rather than shutting down or getting defensive.
MYTH #3: SELF-COMPASSION WILL MAKE ME LAZY OR UNMOTIVATED.
Reality: Many people believe that being hard on themselves is the only way to stay driven. But research shows that self-compassionate people are actually more motivated because they’re not paralyzed by fear of failure. When we remove the threat of harsh self-judgment, we feel safer to take risks, learn, and grow.
MYTH #4: SELF-COMPASSION IS ONLY FOR PEOPLE WITH HIGH SELF-ESTEEM.
Reality: Unlike self-esteem, which is often based on external validation, self-compassion isn’t about feeling good about yourself—it’s about being good to yourself, no matter how you feel. It’s something anyone can cultivate, regardless of how confident or insecure they feel in the moment.
MYTH #5: SELF-COMPASSION IS SELFISH.
Reality: Far from making us self-absorbed, self-compassion actually improves our relationships. When we treat ourselves with kindness, we have more patience, empathy, and emotional bandwidth for others. It helps us set healthier boundaries and prevents burnout, making us more present in our connections.
MYTH #6: SELF-COMPASSION IS JUST POSITIVE THINKING.
Reality: Self-compassion isn’t about ignoring pain or forcing positivity—it’s about meeting ourselves with honesty and kindness. It allows us to acknowledge difficult emotions while responding in a way that is supportive rather than self-destructive. It’s not about pretending things are fine; it’s about recognizing that even when things are hard, we are still worthy of care.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Self-compassion is a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice. If you’re used to being your own worst critic, offering yourself kindness might feel unnatural at first. But the more you practice, the more you’ll see that treating yourself with compassion isn’t weak—it’s one of the strongest things you can do. Give it a go—I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by what you find.